As I was waiting for the last hour of work to roll on by, I decided to read up on some of my past posts. It's been more than a while since I've given any attention to this blog and it was long overdue. Interesting enough, I found a couple of posts where I was truly at a crossroads in my life. Reading the thoughts that I once felt took me back to that time when I could not see the light at the end of the tunnel. Its wonderful to use writing as a way to document your journeys in life, and in return it allows you to go back and see the real growth of ones existence.
Almost a year later, I can say I am in such a great place. All of those trials I went thru last year did in fact happen for a reason. At that point, all I could see was the pain and agony of what I was going thru but in reality it set me up for where I am at today. Had I not experienced all those things, I probably would be stuck in that 8 year relationship still holding on by a thread. As much as I will always love my ex, he and I were not meant to be together, forever. We were kids, who grew up together, and in turn, held on to the memories along the way. We were scared to venture off to others, and when we did, we always ran back to each other. After a few infidelities, I finally smartened up and realized that this would be my life if I didn't make a permanent change. It took a lot of courage and tears to finally leave, but I did. I took the time to figure out what I wanted, let alone needed. I found myself, and am still very much on that journey.
I am now embarking on a new relationship with a man who is equal to me. If anything, he motivates me to be a better woman and I can honestly say he completes me. I am trying my hardest not to allow my past relationship effect my new relationship as there are in fact two different men. Am I tainted? Yes. I was lied to and cheated on more than once and I now have a hard time trusting anyone. Will I let that get in the way? Absolutely not. It would be the biggest mistake of my life if I were to allow the fear of getting hurt keep me from falling in love. This man is wonderful in so many ways and has truly showed me what a partnership is really about. The funny thing is that it is still the beginning, so there is still so much more to come...if I allow it.
Actually this past week was a big one for me. I made some significant changes in my life that will allow more love and opportunities to flow thru and I couldn't be happier. After a long time, I am finally excited about my future. I now think about marriage, kids, the whole nine...where as before...It just was not even a thought. There is still so much to be revealed as I grow into the woman that I am destined to be and I am doing it all with no regrets, or hesitance!